I turn 60 years old in May. Coming up on this milestone has me pondering some sobering questions. When Darryl, my late husband, was on his deathbed, he became hyper-focused on making the very most of his final days. Selflessly, he focused not on achieving a bucket list. Instead, he entered an internal, cathartic quest, made urgent by the knowledge that aggressive cancer had drastically reduced his life expectancy. Darryl was determined to ensure his loved ones would never question the depth of his love for them. I witnessed the expression of his love grow exponentially and uninhibitedly. He dedicated his final days to making a difference even though he’d lived a life of service, making a difference to strangers daily.
Here’s what Darryl taught me about living and dying with grace.
On our deathbed, whether we pass naturally or aided by illness or accident, there is one thing most of us will question: Will we be remembered?
- Will we be remembered for making a positive difference during our lifetime?
- Will we be remembered lovingly for how we made others feel?
As a paramedic, Darryl was honoured to hold a sacred space with many patients as they succumbed to their diseases or injuries. If they were conscious, many, in desperation, declared their death wish was that their love would live on in the hearts of those they cherished. Their haunting has origins in questioning if they were enough. The big question we must confront at some point, hopefully not at the 11th hour on our deathbed, is whether or not we will leave a positive legacy footprint behind by which to be remembered.
We are granted an entire lifetime to accumulate merit through our unconditionally loving, thoughtful and creative contributions to our family, community and, for some beyond, a wider circle.
One of the practices I encourage with my Intuitive Integrative Coaching clients is the Buddhist practice of Building a Sea of Merit. If practiced with unconditionality and sincerity, it amazingly results in a delightful surprise, an increase in our self-worth. We source our self-worth from one simple but profound experience, from recognizing how we make a positive difference to others. Validation, when externally gifted, can slide off us as if we are coated in Teflon!
Humble, honest and loving Self-validation is critical!
I leave you with another question to ponder:
When was the last time you honestly, without arrogance, without external validation, acknowledged to yourself how you made a positive difference?
Does this Merit Building Practice interest you?
If you are curious about delving into knowing, loving and trusting yourself more deeply, I’d be delighted to connect with you on a Discovery Call. Let’s see if we have the chemistry to move a mountain together! I will make an intuitive connection with you, make recommendations, provide more information, and suggest your next steps!
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